Sunday, October 27, 2013

Things that piss me off... Tipping - Aka "Will work for more money"

Sorry for the delays in further words of wisdom from Brother Head.  The last month has been a little nutso.

Anyway, didn't really have anything to discuss at this point, so I looked in to the past and pulled one of my perls from my previous blog (from several years back).

So if you've read this before, it's a rerun.  If you haven't read this one, then it's new to you.

Either way, enjoy friends as I go on a rant about Tipping.

Tipping - Aka "Will work for more money"... aka "I'm Begging for money..."

Greetings all.  I'm sure that today's rant will piss of a few people.  I seem to be in the minority when it comes to tipping (me, Brother Dee, and Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs).

Most people believe that you should leave a tip with the waiter/waitress no matter what (unless you have really crappy service).  I say "Shenanigans!" (for the uninformed, that means 'Bullshit!').  I don't believe this in the slightest.  A tip (to me anyways) is a monetary reward for a job well done.  Not for doing your job, but for doing your job exceptionally.

Don't get me wrong... it's not that I won't tip.  I will and have.  But the waiter needs to do their job and then some to get a tip.

The great movie Reservoir Dogs has a character called Mr. Pink (played by Steve Buscemi) that sums up my feelings on tipping:

"I don't tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it's for the birds. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job." - Mr. Pink.

If I'm sitting in a restaurant eating my meal, bullshitting with friends, or spending time with the family, I expect the waiter to be there before I run out of soda or shortly thereafter.  I don't expect to go thirsty, damnit.

If you want a tip, don't just do your job.  You get paid from your employer to do your job.  If you want something from me, then damnit, you'd better impress me.

And why is it only certain places expect you to tip?  If I go to Chili's, then I'm expected to tip. I go to Carl's Jr... Not expected...  Why?  Who the hell made up the rule about tipping and who gets tips and who doesn't?   Probably a damn crappy waitress.

In fact, my best friend works for Mc Donalds.  Not only does he do his job with a smile (well, ok, Psychotic grin is a better term), but he cracks the jokes and makes people laugh and have a good time.  Does he get a tip? Noooo.  All he gets is grief from retarded co-workers and asshat management.

I used to work for an internet service provider.  Not only did I do my job, I think I did my job exceedingly well.  But did I get tips... Hell no. If I didn't do my job, I would have got fired (as it should be damnit!).

When I go out to eat, it's the waiter's job to bring me food and drink.  If you do your job, then you get paid... Don't expect me to support your coke and hooker habit or whatever you do.  I got my own hookers to support (I kid!)

Now, if not only do you bring me food and drink, but you do it with a smile, and you keep bringing me my drink, THEN you'll get a little something extra.  And this "You gotta tip 15%" bullshit (or whatever the hell it is...")  Bullshit.  You do a little extra, you get a little extra.  You do a lot extra, you get a lot extra.  You see how that works.  Your tip is in direct proportion to the job you do.  You make me feel special and well attended, then I'll leave you a good tip.  You barely acknowledge me, eheheh then you're going to have a hell of a mess to clean up, plus no damn tip.


Usually when someone (like me) mentions that they don't tip, some asshat says "But they gotta pay taxes on your tip..."

Again, Mr. Pink sums it up nicely:

"I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise" - Mr. Pink.

I say that if you want a tip, then make sure I'm happy.  Make sure I've got plenty of Dr. Pepper.  Make sure my food is cooked right and like I ordered.  And farkin' smile when you do.

Also.  If I don't give a tip (for whatever reason), I'm positive that there are others out there that leave bigger tips than the normal.  That should more than make up for my cheap ass.  It all equals out in the wash.  If you're not happy or not making enough money, quit.  Find something else that will pay you more.  You don't have the education or ability to do so, then quit whining and be happy with what you got.

Also, some jaggoff will always bring up "But what if they're busy,blah, blah, blah...".
Again, I cry Shenanigans.  If they want that tip, they need to put a little extra hustle in their step.  If they can't, then they either need to get another job or STFU and get me my food.  One of the two.  As Randall says in Clerks. "Either shit or get off the pot!"

Also as quoted from Reservoir Dogs  (once again, yes damn it, I like that movie.)
"The words 'too fucking busy' shouldn't be in a waitress's vocabulary." - Mr. Pink

And don't fucking get me started on "Automatic Gratuity".  That's just robbery without a gun.  If the restaurants think that their waitstaff deserves more money, then fuckin' pay em a decent salary.  Don't expect me to pay the bill, plus take care of your staff.  This whole "Automatic Gratuity on parties of 12 or more" is just one big rip off.  If your staff wants a tip, then they need to do their job (and then some).

In fact, let me give everyone here a tip.  In the immoral words of Brother Head... 'Don't tip because they expect it.  Tip because they deserve it.'

Anywho... that's enough bitching for one night.  Leave a comment below and let me know what you think (whether you agree or if you think I'm a cheap ass bastard).

We'll see you soon when I bring you further "Wisdom From Head!"

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